Children Won't Grow Up Unless Parents Let Them

By CHARLES M. GUTHRIE
of the Minneapolis Tribune editorial page staff
published by the StarTribune
 December 8, 1953


   ALL I KNOW about kids is what I've picked up from having had them under foot for 23 years.
   This doesn't qualify me as an expert but I have latched on to one angle of the business which I think has  merit. I pass it along in the hope that it will help dehorn a dilemma.
   You need only to be half bright to recognize an elementary fact if it slugs you over the head long enough. But some of our authorities and investigators of juvenile delinquency either haven't seen it or consider it too trifling to mention in their exhortations against youths' shortcomings.

   WE READ about juvenile dope addiction, gang wars, zip guns and burglary and hear that these are the natural consequences of present-day aversion to warming Percy's pants in the woodshed. We let Percy do too much as he pleases. We don't say "no"--and make it stick--often enough. We don't keep a close enough eye on Percy.
   This may be true. But my conviction is that we often keep too close an eye on him. We shield him too much, suffocate him with protection. I've known cases where Percy got more money to spend than was good for him and was heavily pampered otherwise but who was denied the family car because no kids of 15 had brains enough to drive. Neither could Percy go out with the gang to anything rougher than a taffy pull. Nor could he date the girls. He must wait until he's 18.
   This adds up to no sense. Any child so under the parental thumb will do one of two things. He'll rebel or submit. Either is bad. The rebel is apt to kick over the traces completely, turn vandal, leave home and wind up a bum--or a solid citizen.
   But the non-rebel is lucky to wind up as anything. Here is the saddest apple in the barrel. His parents call all the shots. He comes and goes by their leave or bidding. He goes out one night a week and checks in before midnight with a full report. Mom and Dad never have to worry about Percy.

   THEY DON'T until the time comes when Percy must go it alone. Then they worry plenty. The poor kid gets lost in the traffic. He's unprepared. He's never faced responsibility, never gotten himself out of a jam, never made a decision, never been weaned.
   If mom and pop aren't around to prop him up all he can fall back on is a persecution complex. Everyone has it in for him. He blames misfortune on his wife, his boss, his job or his health--everything and everybody but the fellow he sees while shaving. Sometimes he wakes up. And sometimes he remains little Percy, forever an egomaniac, a misfit and a pest.

   WE FINALLY got smart enough at our house to make the kids do everything for themselves that they could. Operating on this theory may make home unattractive at times but it starts the weaning process early. Homesickness never touched our young ones. They were always eager for scout camp and would just as readily have taken off for Tahiti.
   If they wanted money we suggested that they mow lawns, shovel snow or babysit. When my son turned 15 and wanted to drive the car I told him nothing doing. Then I thought again and decided to be glad he had gumption enough to want to drive. There comes a time when you simply must give Percy his wings and if he's never had any trial hops he'll flop. Tragedy may befall Percy but if you're guided by fear of what might happen, Percy simply won't grow up.
   Given a loose rein, he may start to smoke or shoot craps. He may come in some night smelling of hops or Old Cornhusk. Such things can be disheartening but this is no proof that Percy is going to the dogs. He's just floundering some in testing his wings.

   WHEN you've sold him as well as you can on the merits of upright living, safe driving and honest toil and keeping out of jail--and when you've done your best to set a good example--you've done about all you can. The rest is up to Percy. You can only trust that enough of what he's been told will stick to get him from the dizziness of adolescence to the common sense of maturity.
   You may pay dearly in worry and frustration by unshackling Percy but you won't keep paying forever. After he grows up, Percy will take over for himself.

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